1-1-17

New Year's Day morning with bed head hair.... and Squirt had to catch the shuttle to the airport at 11:30. We spent the morning with him while he packed up.

Sta stopped by to say goodbye--- they had a long drive back to Texas.

Then the rest of the day begins for me.

The blue time.

The time when I knit and cry. And think.

Dan put away the tree and all the decorations--- everything went in the attic today. I cooked a chicken stew all day, and black eyed peas. So, there was that- but mostly I sat and thought and cried and knit. I started writing a dozen memoirs in my head about my life, trying to make some sense out of it. 

Dan says I'm not depressed, just sad, and it's a normal thing.

Mom says she went through it every time we left too--- and just had to stay busy to keep herself from thinking about it. I remember my mother-in-law crying each time we left after visiting. I don't know-- it's unusually painful, almost too much pain. It shouldn't feel this way. I have to tell myself that parenting results in this--- it's supposed to result in this. It's healthy, a healthy phase in life. A quiet phase where I get to watch the fruits of our parenting labor. I get to watch. Some parents do not receive this blessing, and I need to remind myself of this.

This is normal. This is healthy.

I'm blessed. 

Right?

jtbo says yes. I hear her say yes.

2017

What will this year bring?

What will I make of this year?

Do I make resolutions?

Here are some visions. I have visions.

I have visions of continuing a healthy diet and a healthy walking habit, and maintaining the 20 pound weight loss of 2016.

I have visions of being more calm and relaxed. Meditation would be good to usher this in.

I have visions of writing--- submitting 5 publications this year.

I envision myself blogging more regularly because it's so easy to forget my day.

Pottery and painting--- even if I'm not very good- the process alone is worth it.

Visiting my children. Just getting on a plane and visiting them each at least once this year. Squirt in March, Aza in May, and then Jes this summer. If I could go visit one of them every 3 months.... 

Getting involved with a community more-- we started going to a church we like.

Relaxing into my job instead of fighting it. It is what it is. Letting go of wishing it was something else.

Two more things-

1) Letting go of fear and worry

2) Appreciating the time I have with Dan 

And I wish I will be more loving towards others in 2017.