11-1-09

How to Replace an Old Light Fixture in Hallway

Step 1: Go to Home Depot and buy a new light fixture.
Step 2: Come home and rip out old light fixture. Make sure switch is off.
Step 3: Saw metal bracket so it fits in existing hole. Drill an extra hole you won't use. Use 6 drill bits. Almost start a fire in the garage.
Step 4: Mount metal bracket with wrong screws. Laugh at silliness and re-mount with correct ones.

Step 5: Strip insulation off wires and use wire nuts to connect white, black and ground wires.
Step 6: Put all wiring carefully into hole in ceiling and then secure the new light fixture thingy to the ceiling. Feel proud of yourself.

Step 7: Try and put round thing around light fixture thing and realize it had to go on first. Undo and then repeat steps 5 and 6.

Step 8: Start shaking and feeling faint as you hold light fixture in one hand and try to re-attach the wire nuts to the black, white and ground wires with the other hand while standing on kitchen chair. Make lots of noises as you feel yourself blacking out.

Step 9: Call your husband to finish the job while you sit with your head between your knees and then collapse on bed.

Ta da!