10-19-12

Someone privately asked me how I was doing and my answer was not 100% positive. I thought my reply summed it up pretty well. Here it is:

It's nothing with the university or the job. I think it's just hard moving and starting over with a social life and support system. Nobody is ever at school and it's lonely. The departments are divided by floor and nobody knows other department people. There are no college wide faculty meetings and chances to see people. It's a lonely, almost deserted 5th floor in a 9 floor high rise, the tallest building in town. A town so small there are no antique stores and only one organic grocery and a block of downtown. It's quiet sleeping at night, very Romney conservative, with lots of racial disparity that makes me fume. Poor schools 5 miles from wealthy schools. I didn't remember just how poor it is here. That translates into a different kind of landscape when very few have money to spend, and they go to Atlanta to spend it. No furniture stores. No bakerys. One coffee shop. One. I'm having adjustment issues- thought being home would eliminate my chronic depression, but no. It followed me and I can't even treat it with retail therapy! Sorry- I have a migraine today and am extra crabby.

Adjustment issues. I wonder when they will end. Please, Chrissy, get adjusted. Remember what fulfilled you before. Remember the places and spaces and people and things that helped you feel peace before you moved here. What were they?

Aza
Flowers in the back yard
Artwork on the walls
A kitchen I loved
Neighbors to talk to
A co-op down the street with organics
Friends at work
Texting Miss March during faculty meetings
Dr. Phred walking by my office to check on me
I'm crying and can't go on remembering.