1-1-17

New Year's Day morning with bed head hair.... and Squirt had to catch the shuttle to the airport at 11:30. We spent the morning with him while he packed up.

Sta stopped by to say goodbye--- they had a long drive back to Texas.

Then the rest of the day begins for me.

The blue time.

The time when I knit and cry. And think.

Dan put away the tree and all the decorations--- everything went in the attic today. I cooked a chicken stew all day, and black eyed peas. So, there was that- but mostly I sat and thought and cried and knit. I started writing a dozen memoirs in my head about my life, trying to make some sense out of it. 

Dan says I'm not depressed, just sad, and it's a normal thing.

Mom says she went through it every time we left too--- and just had to stay busy to keep herself from thinking about it. I remember my mother-in-law crying each time we left after visiting. I don't know-- it's unusually painful, almost too much pain. It shouldn't feel this way. I have to tell myself that parenting results in this--- it's supposed to result in this. It's healthy, a healthy phase in life. A quiet phase where I get to watch the fruits of our parenting labor. I get to watch. Some parents do not receive this blessing, and I need to remind myself of this.

This is normal. This is healthy.

I'm blessed. 

Right?

jtbo says yes. I hear her say yes.

2017

What will this year bring?

What will I make of this year?

Do I make resolutions?

Here are some visions. I have visions.

I have visions of continuing a healthy diet and a healthy walking habit, and maintaining the 20 pound weight loss of 2016.

I have visions of being more calm and relaxed. Meditation would be good to usher this in.

I have visions of writing--- submitting 5 publications this year.

I envision myself blogging more regularly because it's so easy to forget my day.

Pottery and painting--- even if I'm not very good- the process alone is worth it.

Visiting my children. Just getting on a plane and visiting them each at least once this year. Squirt in March, Aza in May, and then Jes this summer. If I could go visit one of them every 3 months.... 

Getting involved with a community more-- we started going to a church we like.

Relaxing into my job instead of fighting it. It is what it is. Letting go of wishing it was something else.

Two more things-

1) Letting go of fear and worry

2) Appreciating the time I have with Dan 

And I wish I will be more loving towards others in 2017.

12-31-16

Selfie with Squirt.

My heart...

Chocolate pots de creme-

The best dessert ever.

We were at Mom's for her New Year's Eve party tonight. 

I brought sweet potato fries that I over cooked and cut too small.

We stayed until after the ball dropped in NY, which we considered the true turn of the year.

12-30-16

Squirt and his adopted aunt Gwennie....

She loves him so much.

Aza left this morning. I was OK at the time, but as the day went on I got sadder and sadder. We were at Mom's for dinner and we finally got word that she arrived safely after a small collision with some road debris that had her purchasing duct tape from Walmart to keep her car together.

Dad is here now too.. 

So it's me, Dan, Squirt, Dad, Mom, and Sta and Kels and Will. And Maizie.

12-29-16

Maizie is 14 now and simmering down-

Today was sad.

Jes left--- Dan took her to the airport.

But before she left, the used video player I ordered from eBay arrived and we got to watch old movies from when the kids were little and we all lived on a dirt road in the country. The used video player was not working well, but we gladly put up with pixelization because the movies were so so so sweet. 

It brought back so many feelings and memories. I took it for granted that my children would always be with me, and I had no idea what it would feel like to have them grow up and move away. 

I'd love to get to go back 25 years and spend a day with my babies and just snuggle with them all day long. Maybe I'll be able to in my dreams some night. I think that's what grandparenting must be like--- you get to experience those times again. You realize how special they are/were when they are gone. 

12-28-16

More games today at Nana's house. I can't remember this one. Look at that look my son is giving me. 

 Sta and Kels and Will and Maizie arrived last night-- so we had some good cousin time going on.

and sister time...

Squirt and his 1st cousin--- they are only a year and three weeks apart in age, and have known each other forever. 

Jes and I went to the coffee shop this morning and met with my colleague... to talk shop.

12-27-16

Games. Dan and the kids really got into this game, Catan.

The girls tried Bananagram

Here is our house with Aza's car in the driveway. A full house.

12-26-16

Aza's cat Zara helping with the annual Christmas puzzle.

12-25-16

Christmas morning-- I cooked shrimp and grits while the kids looked through their stockings, which were hung by the chimney with care. They each got a packet of thank you cards and a magnetic "to do" list pad, plus TicTacs and other assorted items like socks. Santa so loves stuffing stockings. After breakfast, the five of us opened presents. I opened this mysteriously shaped one--- to receive what was tops on my wish list-- a ukelele.

Squirt received something called "SQUIRT." 

Then we spent the rest of the day at Nana's house for Christmas day dinner. She had prime rib and this sweet potato/potato and cheese dish that was so so good. We all ate so much. B and M were at dinner also.

12-24-16

All my children are home.

Squirt arrived around 10pm--- Aza drove to ATL to pick him up. Love love love...

12-23-16

Christmas eve eve and my twins are cuddled up on the couch looking at boys on Tinder :) Aza does not look too happy I'm taking her picture. We went to dinner at Mellow Mushroom tonight.

12-22-16

Today I finished crocheting Squirt a stocking! 

(Guess you can see his real name now.... mystery revealed...)

I designed our house numbers and Dan made them and hung them today. It's so cute! And I made the magnolia wreath too...

So we went for a walk today. I mean a hike. 

We hiked to the top of Smith Mountain then Dan and the girls decided to take a longer route back to the car... and I got

LOST

12-21-16

Jes arrived last night at around 1am... I picked her up from the shuttle stop.

Tonight we played our favorite game. 

I think I won. Maybe. 

My twin girls!

12-20-16

I finally finished Squirt's sweater and blocked it! I sure hope it fits him...

12-19-16

Walked tonight and found the town's most amazing corner of lights!

Aza and I made these ornaments today with my Silhouette "printer."

12-17-16

I'm trying to walk 10,000 steps a day over break to keep active.... walked home from my mother's tonight. Nice view of campus...

12-16-16

Aza is home! Time to start a holiday puzzle... And she brought Zara, who is going to live with us this year until Aza graduates.

Zara says, "What are you looking at. I did not drink that milk you left on the counter..."

12-15-16

The bathroom is officially done, and we moved back onto our bedroom today after 4 months.

It feels good!

And here's a peek at my home office. I'm thinking of re-doing the artwork arrangement, and re-painting.

12-14-16

The bathroom is ALMOST done... just need knobs, and then moving all our stuff back in.

I finished blocking this baby blanket today- a gift for a former student.

12-12-16

Campus is empty this evening after I leave, having worked most of the day meeting students and such.

12-9-16

I'm writing this today. Sometimes I back-date my entries, and have to check the calendar to see what I even did that day. But today is today.

Last night I made cheese straw dough so I could bake them this morning for our department party. I had to bake them all and be there by 10am. I was pretty much on time and it was really fun to just sit and talk and eat and drink coffee with my colleagues. It really was.

Then I graded papers.

Then I came home and Dan was finishing up the tile work. He hung the mirror that we debated about for WEEKS.  We are both really pleased.

We also got the frame for the cabinet in the laundry room and I think it looks awesome.

This weekend I need to finish grading, and we need to go and celebrate our anniversary (Thanks Mom and Dad for the gift that will fund our fancy dinner!), and clean up the rest of the house, and move BACK into our bedroom!!!

Then--- next week---- it's time to get our jingle bells on and get excited about the kids coming home and us ALL BEING TOGETHER.

12-8-16

I was inside the house grading papers (classes are over and I'm buried under so much grading) when I noticed how beautiful this tree was outside. I ran out to take a picture and said hey to my student who was driving by. She had been at my house the night before learning to knit socks for the Penguins kit. Also, another student came by last night for some help with lesson plans. And the heating and air guy fixed the heater. And the tile guys came over to look at the defective tiles they laid. It was a busy day--- yesterday--- but today I just graded papers all day long and here was this tree.
Here is our beautiful fall maple on December 8th.

12-7-16

I finished painting and now Dan is doing the tile backsplash.

Today I went to teach knitting at a school in the country. I got lost on the way--- even though I've been a dozen times or more, and ended up being 30 minutes late. 

12-3-16

It's been raining lately. For almost a week now, it seems, we have gotten rain. It prevented my weekly walk today. I spent all day painting the bathroom.