6-16-12

Moving sale today. Selling the baby crib was the hardest part. I stood over it, remembering how many times I lifted babies from it, patted babies in it, and slowly placed babies in it. Jes, once she could pull herself up on the railing at around 6 months old, held on, leaned over, and did a flip to the outside, still holding on with her chubby little fists. I can see all my babies standing up in that crib, holding onto the railing, waiting to be picked up. And Fluffy and Mittens visited it often when Squirt was little. They would sleep on one side, Squirt on the other. My Nana gave me the money to buy the crib when I was pregnant with Jes, 26 years ago.

Squirt was not successful selling his old gameboys.

We decided to keep the couch but sold the green avocado chair and both twin mattresses. We made over $600 then celebrated by going out to dinner for Fish and Chips.

Jes called and read her ultrasound report to me. Woke me back to reality and shocked me just to hear the diagnosis again. Metastases in zones 2,3, and 4 of the neck (right side) with something unknown on left side near thyroid and something unknown on right side near chin. Largest met is 4.5 x 3.0 x 1.4 cm. HOW COULD AN ENDOCRINOLOGIST IGNORE THAT AND SEND HER AWAY??? YOU DON'T IGNORE A 2" LYMPH NODE, DOCTORS. I'm glad Jes came home in May and I insisted she go see a different doctor, but COME ON DOCTORS.  GET WITH THE PROGRAM. Can you tell I'm still angry??? I'm so ready for her to have her surgery and be "cleared" of this cancer. I keep praying that it will just miraculously go away before the surgery. I keep imagining her CLEAR and HEALED. She is healed. She is clear. She is ok.