6-16-12

Moving sale today. Selling the baby crib was the hardest part. I stood over it, remembering how many times I lifted babies from it, patted babies in it, and slowly placed babies in it. Jes, once she could pull herself up on the railing at around 6 months old, held on, leaned over, and did a flip to the outside, still holding on with her chubby little fists. I can see all my babies standing up in that crib, holding onto the railing, waiting to be picked up. And Fluffy and Mittens visited it often when Squirt was little. They would sleep on one side, Squirt on the other. My Nana gave me the money to buy the crib when I was pregnant with Jes, 26 years ago.

Squirt was not successful selling his old gameboys.

We decided to keep the couch but sold the green avocado chair and both twin mattresses. We made over $600 then celebrated by going out to dinner for Fish and Chips.

Jes called and read her ultrasound report to me. Woke me back to reality and shocked me just to hear the diagnosis again. Metastases in zones 2,3, and 4 of the neck (right side) with something unknown on left side near thyroid and something unknown on right side near chin. Largest met is 4.5 x 3.0 x 1.4 cm. HOW COULD AN ENDOCRINOLOGIST IGNORE THAT AND SEND HER AWAY??? YOU DON'T IGNORE A 2" LYMPH NODE, DOCTORS. I'm glad Jes came home in May and I insisted she go see a different doctor, but COME ON DOCTORS.  GET WITH THE PROGRAM. Can you tell I'm still angry??? I'm so ready for her to have her surgery and be "cleared" of this cancer. I keep praying that it will just miraculously go away before the surgery. I keep imagining her CLEAR and HEALED. She is healed. She is clear. She is ok.

6-15-12

Big push today to prepare for tomorrow's yard sale. Squirt made signs and placed them, priced items, assembled furniture, and placed it all in the garage. Meanwhile, I had to focus on writing the IRB protocol for my research at my new university, who's IRB process looks onerous.

Salmon on the grill for dinner, with fresh corn. 13 days to go. The song, "These Are Days" played this evening and I sat at the kitchen table crying, scratching Frisbee's head, and drinking water. Water in, water out. Kids come, kids leave. It's wonderful to have them in our lives. I will miss this time in my life, this extended period of parenting. When they all left the nest three years ago, I cried, and my mother said, "Don't worry Chrissy. They come back." and they did. But I will miss Aza and the interactions of the four of us on a daily basis. Maybe Jes will come back some day. Perhaps for her Ph.D. Do you hear that, Jes and Root??? The sound of cicadas and the smell of honeysuckle in the damp cool evenings? Is it calling you?

6-14-12

I worked in my office today to pack, sort, shred, and discard. It felt sad and overwhelming. I found some silver spoons that I think belong to a former grad student. There is chaos everywhere- at home, at school, and in my mind.

6-13-12

Sitting in an airport station waiting for my destination... Long day of travel back to Kentucky.
The flight is overbooked. So we volunteered to give up our seats for two $600 vouchers we could use to go be with Jes. and while we were waiting to see if the flight would indeed be full, up run Dr. and Mrs. Phred all out of breath, late for their flight. They get on and then the flight is full. If they had missed the flight then we wouldn't have gotten two (or more) free tickets.

Good news today! Aza got a math teaching position in Virginia!!! We are so happy for her.

The two weeks to moving time clock begins...

6-12-12

A day to celebrate- Squirt got accepted to attend Auburn University! I hope he loves his years at Auburn as much as I did. So glad he's coming with us.

Today I went to see the Alamo (pictured) with Tamara and Larry. Then I went to Macy's to buy a dress for tonight's dinner with my former professor, future colleague in Auburn's College of Engineering.

We had a lovely dinner at The Fig Tree on the river walk with Dr. Cool and his wife. Back when I was 20 years old he was the coolest, hippy professor I had. Still cool!

Jessica had another ultrasound today and from what she was told, nothing has grown and it's still just lymph nodes on the right side. We are still waiting for a surgery date.

Tomorrow we return to Kentucky to resume packing. Two week countdown starts soon.

Happy birthday today to my nephew Buddy! See blog posts from June 2008 about his birth and my trip out there.

6-11-12

The conference officially began today and the exhibit hall opened. Really, I like NSTA exhibits better than ASEE.

The session I organized was at noon. We counted 70 people in attendance in a room that seated 45 or so. It went really well, and I was relieved when it was over.

Dan tried to rent a bike today and it fell through. Tomorrow.

6-10-12

This morning we went out to brunch at a restaurant associated with the old Pioneer flour mill on the river called The Gunther House. Beautiful, and good pancakes and chocholaty cinnamony coffee. I had a meeting in the afternoon and then the "executive board meeting" was in the evening. I splurged and got prime rib. Really felt good to be busy and with people.

6-9-12

Today was the day long workshop on K 12 engineering education. I suffered through some painfully boring sessions that I poorly picked. However, one included a free thing, pictured below, which you plug into your computer to be a multimeter, oscilloscope, or signal modulator. I have no immediate use for it, but thought it was worth a 75 minute workshop that did not interest me much.

Dinner tonight with friends at Rosario's, a restaurant that came highly recommended. Best meal in a long time!

6-8-12

We got up early, Aza drove us to the airport and we took off for San Antonio for my annual engineering conference. We are staying in a hotel on the river walk and it's peaceful on one side, busy with restaurants on the other side. We walked until I almost had a heat stroke then we found a corner store and got me a big bottle of water. Dinner with a friend from UVA.

Today Jes's car broke down on the side or the road on her way home from work. She had to get some people to help her push it into a safe place, and call a tow truck. I feel so bad for her. She got a $400 bill for fixing the fuel pump and other things. I wish so many good things for her and feel so frustrated being so far away. Trust and faith. I need to focus on trust and faith.

6-7-12

I worked on packing most of the day attacking the attic and basement, deciding to part with old frames, old engineering books, old knick knacks. I thought about Jes all day long hoping her surgeons and doctors would decide to accelerate her treatment, but no word from them. I wanted to call my friend L today to wish her a happy birthday, but I'm so down, there is no way I could deliver a happy message.

6-7-12

This is really hard. Emotionally I am spent. Tearing down my house, parting with items from my past, uncertain about my future, worried about my daughter, I am sad. Spent. Drained.

6-5-12

Squirt and I went through the attic today sorting things into three piles- trash, yard sale, and keep. We stumbled upon an opened box of Jes's stuff, took pictures and emailed them to her, then spoke with her by speaker phone to help us sort. The "finger cup" was definitely in the "keep" pile.

6-4-12

I cleaned Jes's kitchen today with all my nervous energy prior to the appointment. 

Appointment with endocrinologist/oncologist went well today but we still don't know when surgery will be. They are going to try to squeeze her in because the schedule is booked for two months. Isn't that crazy?. 

She is in terrific spirits- going out with friends tonight while I crash, exhausted at her apartment. The gift of youth...

I fly back to Kentucky in the morning. 

I just can't believe that people with cancer are told to wait two months to have it removed. 

6-3-12

This morning we left Boulder and stopped off at Jes's office downtown. Very snazzy. I'm impressed. Then after lunch and a nap we went to get pedicures- the fancy luxurious kind with 30 minute massages built in. Then, dinner at an organic pizzeria and we watched the movie, oh what was it called- about the man who had to sell all his stuff? Take it all? Sad.

6-2-12

I'm in Boulder tonight with Jes. We had a wonderful dinner at a Mediterranean restaurant, split a tea and crepe afterwards, and enjoyed strolling along Pearl St. We are staying in Root's apartment while he camps and rock climbs. Tired. Long day.

6-1-12

Today Aza and I started to pack up my office at school. It looks so sad now, stripped of its personality.

We went shopping afterwards for some goodies for Jes and learned that her oncology appointment is this coming Monday. So I bought a ticket and rented a car. Will go tomorrow.

5-31-12

It is difficult to paint a clear picture of the last day of May but I will try. Imagine torn wet paper. On this day we are all torn wet paper.

We woke up afraid, for we knew that this day we would learn our daughter Jes's diagnosis. Just one week ago she received ultrasound results were not comforting- that she has suspicious growths in her neck.
However, we spent the week inbetween the ultrasound news and the biopsy news plowing through 41 houses to look for our new home in Alabama. We did not find anything we loved 100% and left town. We left town without a new home, knowing that our daughter's diagnosis was soon coming. We'd kept ourselves busy for a week with 41 houses. Distracted. On a mission. Hell bent. Single minded. Focused.

We drove home on May 30th exhausted and slept, only to wake to May 31st.

Late in the morning Jes called. She had cancer.

But it was not "bad cancer." It was the best cancer one could hope to have, should one hope to have cancer. Thyroid cancer is easily treated with surgery and radiation that targets only thyroid cells. This, our daughter could beat. One summer of inconvenience and pain, and our daughter would survive like a trooper, unscathed except for a scar that would fade with time.

At the age of 25 our daughter was diagnosed with metastatic thyroid cancer. We were all torn wet paper. Lifeless, exhausted, staring blank into the room, 1000 miles from her.

But our has daughter conquered several confrontations with death in her quarter century, and stared them each down. She dragged herself by her fingernails out of oncoming traffic in 2004 after being hit by a car while biking. Three months later she was mountain climbing.

Three months from now, Jes will once again be mountain climbing. A summer of inconvenience and pain will result in a lifetime of renewed appreciation for her life, her friends, her family, her career aspirations, and the entire universe.

5-25-12

We went out to Opelika today to see an old 1908 house. It was pretty cool, but seemed to need lots of TLC. I didn't like the busy corner it was on either.

 

 

So far I have seen close to 30 houses. I have about 10 that will make the cut for Dan to see tomorrow. He arrived this evening in time to go out to dinner with my mom's friends. We went to Cafe 123 which was really special. I had shrimp and grits, also a salmon steak.

5-24-12

This house comes with chickens. Think it's a sign.... it's a really awesome house, reminds me of a 70s version of my house in Kentucky. It even has the same kitchen down to the appliances and cabinets. Another sign?

Very Zen and peaceful. But smallish and far out on the other side of the interstate.

5-23-12

This is a real fixer upper around the corner from my mom's house. It needs so much work I get exhausted thinking about it.

We had lunch at Hamilton's on Magnolia. Sat outside... nice a cool and breezy. Lovely day. I feel so happy being here.

I also saw a house built in 1848, moved to this site. I felt like I was in Monticello being here. I have no idea why there are two front doors.

5-22-12

Today I drove by myself to Auburn to meet with my realtor and look for a house. It was 7.5 hours, not a bad drive. I tried to listen to a book on tape about Alexander the Great. Just before I got to the Alabama border Jes called me with news that her neck ultrasound did not go too well. The lymph nodes and thyroid looked suspicious. With great anxiety I drove to my mother's house and called her doctor. The feeling of fear in my chest was significant. I called home and told the family. I cried as I told my mom and Eloise, my mom's right hand woman in the kitchen.

5-17-12

 This is the observatory at Chichen Itza.

 This is another building. Below is a building that was called the nunnery but of course, nuns were not housed there. I think it was more like a classroom or library.

I have lots of photos from our day at Chichen Itza but will only share a few . It was a long car drive, but worth it. So educational and thought provoking to see the ruins of a culture that was conquered by Europeans who enslaved the native inhabitants. Also very interesting to think about how religion was used even here, even then, to control people.

5-16-12

Today we went for a long walk, hung out at the pool, then migrated to the beach. It's a tough life!!! Tomorrow... Mayan ruins.

5-15-12

Look what we found on our bed this evening! Rose petals and a swan.

Today my in laws renewed their vows after 50 years if marriage. Good photos to follow. I was the official photographer. My first wedding gig!

The bride and her two sons... giving her away.

 The renewal of vows, and the beautiful family they made together.

5-14-12

We got an offer in our house today! On the market three days.

Today we went snorkeling on a beautiful coral reef. Also lounged by the pool, and dined at a Japanese restaurant. This place us really beautiful.

5-13-12

 View from breakfast... this place is beautiful.

 Walking from the lobby to Building 3

 The guys waiting on sushi...

 The girls waiting on sushi...

We are glad to know where to run when/if the tsunami arrives.



See the hammocks on the right? That's where I was reading the book Ishmael and sipping a mojito in the shade this afternoon. Pretty wonderful.

5-12-12

We traveled all day and finally landed on the Yucatan Peninsula. We are at a luxurious resort to celebrate my parents-in-law's 50th wedding anniversary. This guy was waiting to welcome us.

 The beach was like a Corona commercial. Rocky though... too rough to swim in. The breeze was strong.

 Self portraits!

 We celebrated 50 years with Dan's parents at a restaurant on the beach. It was such a great way to start the week.